Word to Weiss is a new feature column that will allow readers to seek advice anonymously. Readers may write in for advice on family, love, relationship, career or just life in general. A letter or two will be chosen each week to be answered and featured in Blanco County News.
I recently became aquainted with a man who is a recovering alcoholic. He actively attends AA meetings and is making steps to improving his life. When we began corresponding he was enthusiastic in his pursuit of me, calling me several times a day. We made an official date that lasted most of the day and ended well. Almost immediately things cooled off. He calls occasionally but dances around making future plans and, to risk sounding a tad analytical, sounds a little distant.
Has he lost interest? Could he perhaps not be ready for a relationship on top of all he’s trying to put back together? And most importantly, why do I feel so crummy and powerless about it all?
Hanging on in Hope
Dear Hanging on in Hope,
First of all, let’s identify what alcoholism is. Alcoholism is a chronic, often progressive disease with symptoms that include a strong need to drink despite negative consequences, such as job, family or health problems. Like many other diseases, it has a generally predictable course, has recognized symptoms, and is influenced by both genetic and environmental factors.
“Has he lost interest?” may not be the question to answer. It is hard enough to identify and fight our own demons, much less someone elses. Especially if that someone else is struggling with an addiction such as alcoholism. The real question may be, are you in a place where you know yourself well enough to not let someone elses struggles get in the way of finding and keeping true to who you are?
As noble as it may sound to help someone through their recovery with alcoholism, it can also turn into something; for lack of a better word...selfish. Are you really strong enough to walk through the fire with an addict or are you just looking for a chance for matyrism?
Finally, if you do find yourself in strength, please refer to the following website and consider attending AA family support meetings. www.alcoholismresources.com / family support